How to be a (Kindergarten Boys) Camp Counselor
Lauren Bromberg
First, know how to wipe a butt; some five-year-old boys don’t know how to do that very well. And after they consume three hot dogs, half a grilled cheese, yogurt, and olives on the side, things can get messy.
Next, learn how to differentiate between the three Andrews in your group. Andrew C. is as tall as your shoulder. Andrew M. wears his left shoe on his right foot and his right shoe on his left foot. And Andrew S. calls you “Mom” by accident.
Tell the boys you’re
Not.
Taking.
Them.
To.
The.
Bathroom.
For.
The.
Next.
Thirty.
Minutes.
And that they should,
“Try.
To.
Use.
The.
Toilet.
Right.
Now.
Because.
We’re.
Already.
Here.”
Take three boys to the bathroom during the next half hour anyway because it was an emergency.
Introduce your campers to the art of friendship bracelet-making. Receive 26 handmade friendship bracelets from the boys. Wear the bracelets to camp every single day.
Learn what the new cool dance moves are from five-year-olds. Show those moves to your co-counselor. Ask her if she’s ever seen them before. Bring those moves to the camp staff party and impress everyone there.
Play soccer! Play baseball! Go swimming! Forget a camper at an activity! Lose that same camper at a different activity one week later. Cross your fingers you don’t lose any more campers. Tell your creative writing professor that you’re still a good counselor despite having lost the same five-year-old twice; make sure you cross your fingers behind your back as you are telling him.
When it’s the last week of camp, deck yourself in camp-colored spirit wear from head to toe: I’m talking green wigs, green face paint, green chunky funky sunglasses, foam fingers, tutus, tall socks, and everything else you can find in your closet. Your campers will tell you that you look “straight fire” and they’ll dress up for Spirit Week, too. You will cry on the last day of camp and look forward to seeing all your campers next year. By then, Andrew C. will have grown tall enough to reach your nose. Andrew M. will be wearing his shoes on the correct feet. Andrew S. will see you across the soccer field and shout, “Hey Lauren!” instead of “Hey Mom!” You cross your fingers that the school year will fly by so it can be summer once again.
Lauren Bromberg (Class of 2024) is majoring in Journalism and Media Studies with a double minor in Political Science and Creative Writing. She is from Rockaway, New Jersey. She aspires to write for children’s television shows, movies, and musicals in the future. Just to clarify, Lauren loves spending time with children and is a very good camp counselor!