Hidden Heartbeat

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Krithika Patrachari

 

i once gave my heart to someone

but he didn’t know i hid it in his backpack

 

i didn’t know i left it there either

until i walked back home with a part of me feeling squished

 

between notebooks

and love letters to someone else

 

with an uneasy wobble from the bounce of his rhythmic walk

or did he run?

 

i wish i knew before i let myself run leashed beside him

i wish i knew before i hung myself up

 

in the back of a middle school health classroom

with a labeled diagram of all the organs i let him own

 

under harsh fluorescent ceiling lights with

sticky fingers pointing at every joke printed on my limbs

 

like a popsicle stick

he shared with Her

 

and not me

Her, not me.

 

and now he has my heart somewhere

on the floor of his girlfriend’s room

 

at least

he will never know it is mine

 

save me the embarrassment

don’t tell anyone please

 

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Krithika Patrachari, class of 2024, did a major in civil engineering and a minor in creative writing at Rutgers. Originally from Marlboro, New Jersey, Krithika has nurtured a lifelong passion for the arts and creativity in all its forms. As early as her childhood, she felt drawn to artistic expression, and she plans to continue developing her talents as a writer while working toward her goal of becoming an Architect.