<\/p>\n
The sun is low enough to turn everything orange, the weather calm and cool for a New Jersey summer. Jess gazes out the passenger window as her brother, Kevin, tries for a second time to get the Ford Taurus to start. His whole upper body twists with the key, and on the third try, the engine startles awake, only to sink into a low purr.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHah, there we go,\u201d Kevin says.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe this thing still runs; isn\u2019t it older than you?\u201d Jess asks.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cActually, she\u2019s from 97\u2019 so we\u2019re even\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019ll be a miracle if we even get there,<\/span><\/i> Jess thinks, before turning her attention to the view out the front window. As her brother drives, he fiddles with the buttons above the center console and soon enough, \u201cJet Airliner\u201d fills the silence between the siblings.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHey, I know where we\u2019re going but could you just\u2013\u201d Kevin says.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I got directions. It\u2019s called Carteret Theater?\u201d Jess asks.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShould be Carteret Performing Arts Center.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCool, should take about an hour and a half.\u201d Jess sinks into the passenger seat and lets out a deep sigh.<\/span><\/p>\n Kevin is silent for a beat, and then, \u201cAren\u2019t you excited? You love Steve Miller, and Dad said the seats should be pretty good.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah. I am, I\u2019m stoked.\u201d Jess pauses. \u201cDad\u2019s just been pissing me off recently.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Kevin scoffs, but still indulges. \u201cWhat\u2019d he do now?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t do any <\/span>thing<\/span><\/i>. I just feel like he doesn\u2019t like me. Like, <\/span>really<\/span><\/i> doesn\u2019t like me. And that\u2019s all you want from your parents, right? You wanna be someone that they like, that they can talk about.\u201d Jess knows it\u2019s a loaded statement, but Kevin\u2019s the only one she can say it to.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut he does like <\/span>some <\/span><\/i>things about you. I mean, you both like the Steve Miller Band, right? That\u2019s why he got you the tickets. I think, maybe he just wishes you were different.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The words sound worse out loud and when Jess whips her head towards him, Kevin doesn\u2019t flinch. She stares at him, eyes drilling into the side of his head with such intensity, she\u2019s surprised he manages to stay still. Eventually, Jess deflates, and slowly turns back towards the windshield with a frown so deep it looks permanently etched into her face. She watches cars pass and weave around them, now that they\u2019re on I-95 S. Silence hangs in the air like thick smog. Kevin almost chokes on it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat’s the same thing,\u201d Jess says slowly, voice tight and testing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo it isn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell geez, Kev, it’s just as bad\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201c<\/span>No. <\/span><\/i>It isn\u2019t\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOh, of course, how could I misunderstand? It\u2019s not that Dad doesn\u2019t <\/span>like <\/span><\/i>me. He just wishes everything about me was different in every way possible.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI never said everything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t need to!\u201d Jess doesn\u2019t realize her voice is rising until she\u2019s already screaming. Then, the only sounds are Steve Miller and the rush of cars around them. Kevin clenches his jaw and keeps his eyes forward. Jess can tell that he\u2019s frustrated, but he doesn\u2019t poke the bear, and Jess is grateful because she begins to feel a familiar burning in her eyes. No tears fall though, and the swelling in her throat eases once she counts to ten. Instead of confronting the invisible line that\u2019s been crossed, Jess and Kevin decide to sink into the words of \u201cFly Like an Eagle.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Time keeps on slippin\u2019 slippin\u2019 slippin\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Into the future\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Time keeps on slippin\u2019 slippin\u2019 slippin\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Into the future\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n I want to fly like an Eagle, to the sea<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Fly like an Eagle, let my spirit carry me<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n They are halfway through the playlist before either of them speak again. Jess is pulled out of herself when Kevin starts his damage control.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou love Dad, right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHuh?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He looks surprised to hear genuine confusion instead of sarcasm or rage. \u201cYou love Dad. Even if you don\u2019t like how he is a lot of the time.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI mean, yeah, I guess. I suppose he\u2019s done more good than harm.\u201d <\/span>Barely<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOk, so it\u2019s mutual.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe way you guys feel about each other is mutual.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Oh, <\/span><\/i>Jess thought. It still doesn\u2019t sit right with her, it still feels like she has ground to stand on.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but I just want him to be proud.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s unprecedented territory, Jess. Take it from your older brother. Even if Dad was proud of you, it\u2019s not like he\u2019d ever let you know. Right?\u201d Kevin is met with silence. \u201cAnd think about what you\u2019re asking him. Do you want him to understand your art? Your beliefs? You know that stuff is bizarre to him. Not to mention a complete waste of time and money. Do you want him to be bursting with joy because his <\/span>only <\/span><\/i>daughter is a lesbian? I mean seriously, Jess, to <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> the bar is low, but the way he sees it, you\u2019re practically asking him to cure cancer.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDo <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> have a problem with me being a lesbian?\u201d Jess pauses. \u201cYou think it\u2019s the equivalent of cancer?\u201d She can only hope her brash tone hides her fear. She feels the ground slipping out from under her. It\u2019s happening quickly and all at once.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo. Don\u2019t ask stupid questions. I\u2019m just saying that he struggles with a lot of your\u2026<\/span>interests<\/span><\/i>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s one way to put it. And he hasn\u2019t been the same since…you know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Exactly. And you don\u2019t help your case. You still bring girls over. You still talk about art school, as if that\u2019s ever gonna happen. And for some reason, you think the dinner table is a perfect place for political debate. Jess, are you not the littlest bit scared that he\u2019s gonna kick you out again? For good?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOf course I\u2019m scared. I <\/span>remember <\/span><\/i>what it was like. Bouncing between my friends\u2019 houses. “Till I ran outta friends. But I can\u2019t help it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, I can\u2019t. And you\u2019re right. I probably <\/span>am <\/span><\/i>making the adjustment harder for him. But ya know what? It\u2019s hard for me too. And what else can I do? Stop painting? Forfeit my imagination for a nine-to-five just so Dad will love me? Why can\u2019t he understand me like Mom did? If he\u2019s gonna keep being such a prick I\u2019ll forget about college and move to\u2013\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou know you\u2019re going to college. Whether it\u2019s for art or not. You\u2019re just talkin\u2019 outta your ass because you\u2019re stubborn.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYes. I am stubborn. So was Mom. She liked my paintings.\u201d Jess pauses. \u201cAnd <\/span>no,<\/span><\/i> actually, I\u2019m not talkin\u2019 outta my ass.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019re gonna bring Mom into this then that’s all the more reason to quit your antics. She would want you and Dad to get along like you used to.\u201d Kevin\u2019s voice sounds tired.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMom would want me to fulfill my purpose. Whatever, it\u2019s something you\u2019ve never had to worry about because he\u2019s proud of you. And she was too.\u201d Jess\u2019 words are green and bitter, and she wishes that they wouldn\u2019t fall from her mouth so easily.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMaybe. Who knows?\u201d Kevin\u2019s indifference is hard to believe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, they\u2019re definitely proud of you.\u201d She waits a minute before saying, \u201cBecause, I mean, if nothing else, at least you were an Eagle Scout.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Kevin\u2019s laugh masks relief. Jess knows his limits. She is mastering the art of casually saying something to send him spiraling, only to reel him back in before he gets too in his head. Bonus points if she can do it under the guise of teasing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re coming up on our exit. Number 11.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOk.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCan we skip this one? Billy Joe and Bobbie Sue are gonna be stuck in my head all night.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n